Esther Perel is a “couples therapist” who deals with all types of human couples be they heterosexual, lesbian, gay, mixed race, mixed religion, and most any other category where eroticism and/or sexual behavior is involved. She tells it like it is through her years of therapy practice with many humans.
While I had a hard time getting into this book, I can understand where it would be a great asset to many couples regardless of age, race, sex, or personal background. The author compares sex in the modern world in the United States as it compares to other areas of the world. We in the United States are more aggressive in sexual behavior but we are also too self worried about our personal actions and performance compared to many other areas of the world. The comparison of eroticism and sex is completely different. The author goes to great lengths to attempt to explain these differences.
Her one on one and couples therapy goes into many aspects of what many call love, some mistaking love for sex. She will have sessions with a couple and then, if needed, separate them to delve deeper into their problems. Many of today’s marriage problems are due not only to sexual problems but the ability to assume each partners role in their marriage; how it came about; how their daily lives affect their bedroom life; how outside influences such as work affect both partners; how children sometimes cause a blockade; and how to resolve these problem areas before they have gone so far that the marriage is broken.
The book explains various types of groups that her patients have spoken about in their therapy and the suggestions she has rendered to them. Group consensual sex, sex with someone outside the marriage, and sexual encounters in “swingers” groups, all have helped some but have also taken their life in reverse. The use of fantasies by each mate is described quite deeply with its benefits and pitfalls. The bringing of more intimacy into a couples life and how it enhances both. She explains that sex is not the answer to everything even though it was a major part of their early marriage; it cannot exist as the only part of a marriage in order to keep it flowing smoothly.
As an older person reading this book I really did not learn much for my age group but I could equate many a family and friend needing some of the therapy this book gives freely. Can it save a marriage or a union? Possibly so by directing them down a new and steadier path towards happiness in their bedroom and in their total lives even with children in those lives that might be creating a block for you.
REVIEWED BY CY HILTERMAN
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